So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
