worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
