I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
