vagina is talking i cant
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
