my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
