That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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