I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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