Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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