We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
