forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
