don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
