he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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