I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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