In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
