my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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