Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
