Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
