Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this is an emotional support booty call
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
