Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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