Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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