Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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