i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
