i don't like sucking hair
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
