Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
