idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
