Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
