i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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