Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Who died my cat blue again?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
