Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
