I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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