let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
