Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
