Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I want is dick and wine.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
