Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
