He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
