I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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