I wish my penis had an off switch
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
