I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
