this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
