Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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