Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
