Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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