If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
