9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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