I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
