i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The uberlube is also flammable
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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