so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
