cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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