Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
