I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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