Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
