I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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